what will the world bring to me???

So, my business is at the 5 year mark.  I need to make some changes and trying hard to figure out just what they are.  And....when I taught in the after school program...it really shined a light on something that I have been really missing.  Teaching.

I was born a teacher.  And I am good in front of people.

I also need to make some money.  Hubby is taking some big cuts lately and I need to step it up since the business is slow while I am in transition.

I applied for a very cool job.....I will be shocked if I don't get it.

It will be nice to have someone else to follow and outline what I am to do...not that I won't do that myself....but, I kind of miss having a boss and always being in charge of the decision making process.

And also looking at other changes in my volunteer status.

I am never good with change...but this one I am really embracing!

feeling blessed

Today...I am feeling like a great Mom and wife.  Why???  I don't know...maybe it's because I have seen the other side and I appreciate what I have so much.  Maybe it's because my Hubby is out of town visiting his daughter and granddaughter in Seattle and I miss him.  Or maybe it's because I worked all day supervising a visitation of a mother with her daughter and when I came home....I saw MY kids and saw that I am lucky and blessed to not have to be in that position myself.

I love my family.

I came from a pretty messed up family....altho, I have yet to see a perfect family.  Most of them are dysfunctional in some way or another.  I had just had enough of MY families dysfunction and was tired of pretending that it was all ok.

I made the right decision for me and my kids.

I am lucky.  And I feel it today  :)

Hubby, daughter Liz, Sophie, Nash & granddaughter Chloe...in Washington.

my daughter, Toria.  I adore that girl!

Hubby, Sophie and me.

Deb...my stand-in Mom...I so appreciate having her in my life and the Hubby -man

son Ian, and favorite daughter-in-law Emily with grandsons Elliot & Caleb....and awaiting granddaughter, Gwen

Love my BOY!

Ginny's best friends, Mo & Vera, brother-in-law Mike & Sophie after Ginny's funeral.

Sophie and my mother-in-law, Ginny.  I miss her terribly!

Elvis...what a sweet, sweet dog.  thanks Renee for letting me have him!

My boy....I love him so!

Such a lucky person!

good bye 2011, hello 2012

Hum....not going to miss 2011.

Nope, not going to miss it at all.

No, it wasn't a terrible year but NOT one of the greats either.

I won't miss it.

Onward to a new year.

New experiences.

New opportunities.

A new 365 ok, 366 days to try new things, grow and learn, and watch my children discover who they are daily.

I turn 49 years old this year!

WTF????

In 1 month and 4 days.

Again....WTF?

What's really funny or very sad....is that for the last couple of months...I had in my mind that I was 47 and turning 48.  I have heard people do this when I was young and thought....how in the world can you do that?  And...here I am.  And what is really shitty......when it hits you that you instantly aged 1 year....you feel that damned year!

OK...I swore I was never, ever going to be age-o-phobic like my Mom.  The horrors of her turning 30 are still etched in my brain.  And here I look at it.

49  Really???

I tell people all of the time I am 50...that does NOT bother me at all.  Being 50 is a marker.  A badge of honor.  A level of experiences and knowledge that can be shared with the young and to be proud of.

49 feels....icky!  LOL

OK.

I got off track.

Good bye 2011.

I would love to see you hte minute you end but, I am in my jammies and I am tired.  It's only 9:09pm.  LOL

Happy New Year to all of you that read me.

And all of those that read me, know me and still love me  :)

Or at least like me enough to keep coming back  :)

May your 2012 be a very blessed one!

loud non-stopping brain

I have a brain that does NOT like to stop and let me sleep.

It thinks....way....too....much!

I sit here and analyze everything.  I have done this my entire life.  And now.....I have passed it on to my daughter.

I tell her I am sorry.  I am.

But, the brain does what it wants.  And it only gets quiet when it is done.

I am done many things in my life to quiet my brain.

I used to watch mind numbing TV to get bored...then fall asleep.

For the first time in my life....I had a doctor give me anti-anxiety medication to try.  And by golly!  I slept!

It has since stopped working.

Now I take Ambien.  And Soma.  And here I sit...awake!  Stoned.  But the brain is going a million miles an hour.

I need a quiet brain.