a child's favorite book, transformed!

I saw this idea in a magazine and really fell in love with it.

So, while I was at my last Scrapbook Retreat...I made the book.  I cried a lot while making this book.  It was almost like walking thru the days before and after my husband died and Sophie and I had to move on.  But....we did.

Here is what you will need -

1. a favorite book that you read to your child
2. extra photos you have of you child that you have already scrapped in memorable ways
3. embellishments of various forms - tags, flowers, all of your leftovers
4. a good adhesive...something very strong but still good for paper

OK...so, here is what I did

The book I read everyday to Sophie was Goodnight Moon.  The version we had was a paper one.  I used a rub-on on the front to alter its look but maintain the title.  I also used a couple of stickers to make a subtitle.

The inside cover I left plain.  And empty spot is good for the eyes to rest before they begin the visual journey.

The title page is embellished with a picture of the pregnancy indicator stick showing that we were pregnant.  We worked very hard to make Sophie.  The pick writing says...This is a blurry double pink line positive!  And the tag reads....on March 13, 1997, we took a pregnancy test.  We were pregnant!

Page 1 reads - David and I asked for privacy for your birth.  It was a hard thing to do for my family.  But, the excitement was everywhere.  Everyone wanted to hold you.  Weenie, Aunt Diana and Tonia .  We were just tiredand amazed at being your parents.

Page 2 reads - @ 9:16pm on November 1, 1997, Sophia Marie Eula came into our lives.  No other baby could compare to her perfectness!

Page 3 reads - (on blue tag) Sophie stayed under the lights for 4 days - jaundice.  Sophie came home on the 7th of November.  It was good to have her home - but scary too!

Page 4 reads - This is one of the very few pictures of David with Sophie and I.  Thanksgiving, 1997

page 5 reads - Sophie's corner was shared with her Daddy's office.  But, she was still small and didn't take up much room yet.

Page 6 reads - Sophie's corner

Page 7 reads - Your 1st Thanksgiving.  Pictures of me and you and a side shot of Weenie, my Mom.

Page 8 reads - Here is a picture of you with your Great Granny and Grandpa.  And a 4 generation Granny, Weenie, Me and You.

Page 9 reads - be amazing

Page 10 reads (rub-on - "As a mother, my job is to take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible." Ruth Bell Graham).  I am so glad you were such a good baby because being a Mom is the hardest job!  (rub-on - Confessions of my heart)

Page 11 reads - Your 1st Superbowl.  Weenie made the outfit you are wearing.  Charm from David "I love you".  "I love you" both so much you can never know how you both have changed me.

Page 12 reads - You look so much like your Daddy in this picture.

Page 13 reads, January photo shoot, 1998

Page 14 reads - various photos from February, March and April, 1998.

Page 15 reads - This is Easter @ Weenie's house in Santa Maria.  Your favorite thing was the Johnny Jumper.  Tag reads - Lucky to have the time we had.

Page 16 reads - Our last family day together.  Your Dad died the next Wednesday.

page 17

Page 18 reads (Rub-on You are my sunshine)  I remember this month I was packing us up to move to a home for you and I in Santa Maria.  May, 1998

Page 19

Page 20 reads - I stopped photographing things and you for several months.  June, 1998.

Page 21 reads - Sophie & Mom on a Court Day.  Sophie in the pool.  Sophie riding her trike.

Page 22 reads - These were pictures taken by Weenie at various times from June to October, 1998.

Page 23 - empty like my heart was at the time.

Page 24 reads - Your 1st Halloween.  Your dad and I bought you this costume before you were born since your nickname was Tigger.  We let you trick or treat the ladies.

Page 25 - birthday celebrations!

Page 26 reads - Weenie got you this playhouse - You loved it!

Page 27 - Me singing you happy birthday and you eating cake.

Page 28 - this page represents those in Heaven...Daddy & Nicholas...celebrating with you.

Page 29 reads - Sophie - I saw this idea in a magazine and knew exactly what book to use.  Your 1st year was not an easy one.  Your life started with my post-partum depression, then your Dad dying and a medical scare for me.  I ask myself daily how I was able to raise such an amazing person.  You may never know just how much I love you and am in awe of you!

Page 30 reads - For you I wish it all!  Good and bad, happy and sad, love and pain - because it is all good!  I love you!  Mom 3-24-12

Back cover.

The Help

This guest post from Lewis Beck

I have to say that I was totally disappointed last Sunday when I was watching the Oscars on Dish TV. None of the movies that I picked to win won. The person that I picked for best supporting actress was the only one who actually won the award that I had predicted correctly. I was a bit partial though. I watched the Oscars over at a friends house and we had ballots that we filled out. Of course, I chose anything and everything that had to do with the “Help”. That is literally one of the best movies that I have every seen and possibly my favorite movie. Everything about it was great. I thought the actresses were wonderful and I especially thought the acting was superb. I was disappointed that Viola Davis didn’t win the best actress award. I thought she was wonderful. I was also disappointed that the “Help” didn’t win best picture. I haven’t seen the “Artist”, but how in the world can a silent film be better than the “Help”? I have absolutely NO idea!

looking for the deal

So, as you know....I love coupons and I love a good deal!

I think I found a keeper!  Become

You can go to this site and price compare to any other website.............side by side!  I looked up Lowes fireplace doors.  I was able to find the doors they sell at Lowe's....but was able to compare them on the same site as some sold by Northern Direct and others as well. 

So, I thought, this can't be!

Then I looked up gas fireplace heat-exchangers!  Wow, they had a ton to compare!  It was mindboggling!

So, I thought ok...what if I am not looking for fireplace anything....but a Lowes Fisher Paykel dishwasher Sears dd24dctx6v2!  What good cooking Mom doesn't want a couple of those in her kitchen?  Well...they had tons to compare as well!

I love this site!  Great for shopping.  And great for finding the best deals!

Getting ready to leave for Scrapbook Retreat!

Twice a year....I run away!

As a Mom....vacations are not relaxing.  I love going on vacation with my family but...I am just doing the same thing I do at home just in a different place......usually our timeshare.

But, twice a year I escape.  I run from my family and not even very far from home.  But, its far enough for me.

I go to a magical place where there are no husbands, no children, no expectations, no one really cares what you do or how you do it...as long as you leave them alone.

My magical place is called Scrapbook Retreat.  For me...it's heaven!

yep...this is where I sleep.  And there is another bed in the room too.  But, I sleep alone.

I go for 4 days and 3 nights.  I sleep in a pretty uncomfortable cot, in a private room with paper thin walls.  If I were to go here on a family vacation....I would bitch.  But for me....I don't care.....I am only in my room to sleep, nothing more.  Oh, and there is no TV here either.

This was my table the first time I ever went.  I had no clue what to bring and didn't know a soul!

The magic....is in the big room.  I am provided with a table that is 6 foot wide and about 3 foot deep.  It is lined up with about 5 other tables.  When I arrive....it is empty with only a bag with goodies to maybe use, a candy bar sitting on top with a bottle of water, a charm for my keychain and one electrical outlet.

THIS IS MY HEAVEN!

The big room...full of women with a mission.  Scrapbooking!

Once I arrive it takes a while to get all of my STUFF loaded into my scrap space and get it set up how I want it.  Now I know to bring extra tables to set up next to me and also my own personal chair.  The chairs that are there are NOT bad....but, you have to stack them 2 high and they don't swivel.  I like a good swivel.

Here is the group in 2009.  Oh, we are a crack up!

I also now know just about everyone that attends.  And I also bring my buddies too!  Debi, in the bottom right corner.  She brought her friend Katy and Katy brings her sister.  So, we have a group.

We show off our work...gab and have fun!  We share our chocolate and snacks.  We tell each other how pretty the other persons work is.  And when Shell announces meal time.....well, damn, we get fed well!  And no clean up, no cooking.  Just show up when you are called and you are fed!

And at 10pm on Friday and Saturday night....Shell does this fabulous chocolate fountain!  OMG!

I say all of the time...this is the best thing I have ever done for myself!  And I can hardly wait to go!

Waiting for Sophie's biggest day...ever

Sophie is 14 years old.

Today she will meet face to face the man she claims to marry  :)  Yes, James Maslow from Big Time Rush.

She saved her money and used every penny she was able to get to pay for a  $250 VIP ticket to see the man she loves.

Now...the time is almost here.  Just hours from now she will meet them.

Not me.  I decided not to go to the concert and listen to girls scream.  I know I should...but...OMG!  I keep looking to buy tickets...up in the rafters away from anyone else.....but, they don't advertise the sell of those tickets.  You can't go to ticketmaster and say...can I have the worst seat in the auditorium please.  I want to be able to to be close to my daughter...to see her enjoy the best day of her life...I just don't want to have to hear thousands of other girls having the best day of their lives.

I still hope that once we get there...I can talk to someone and buy a crappy seat.  And be there.  Be a stalker of my daughter and watch from far away her joy.  I will have my camera....with a zoom lens.  I would take a million pictures of her screaming face and joy as she watches the man she loves.

This is I think I am leaving at the concert...my girl when she was in kindergarten.

James Maslow....the man she claims to want to marry

Big Time Rush

Waiting to leave is a killer.  Time is so slow when the best day of your life is almost here.

reverse bucket list

The top 10 things I never want to do....this is a writing prompt from Mama Kat.

1. I will never go bungy jumping.....look at me...you get it right?
2. I will never be a live off the land kinda girl.  I don't like food you kill, dirt or bugs or vermin. 
3. I will never run a marathon.  Yes, I am impressed with those that do but...I will not.
4. I will never be skinny.  I would like to lose some weight...but at 49...let's face it.
5. I will never live my life as a cat lady wearing purple.  As fun as that sounds...kill me!
6. I will never pick up another what I thought was a normal person needing help....that turns into a SUPER crazy person that is now in my car!
7. I will never marry again!  In my family...it's OK to be married several times.  I married the love of my life and he died.  I married again the next love of my life and that's it.  If he dies....I will renig on #5...and kill me.
8. I will never do extreme sports.  I was never a sports person per-say so this seems pretty logical.
9. I will never eat bugs.  See #2....if I can't be around them...why would I eat the.
10. And finally....I will NOT have more children.  As cute as they are and being that I do have a 6 year old at the age of 49...hello..........again, self-explanatory!  I am ready for grandchildren!

What kind of mom are you??

Yesterday I sat in a therapists office with my daughter...talking about an incident that happened in the crazy days...a couple of years ago.  It was a very terrible thing that happened at the hands of myself.

Now, you are thinking....OMG!  What did Tammy do??? 

I had to rush myself and my Mom to Klamath Falls to help my brother die.  It was a rush trip...I got friends or family to help out with both of my children.  My step-daughter picked up Nash and was supposed to take him home to a waiting 11 year old Sophie.  Hubby was supposed to come home and take care of both my children.

That is not how it happened.

Sophie got home from school and waited.  My atep-daughter picked up Nash from daycare and took him to her house and didn't tell anyone.  And Hubby got held over for work and could not come home.  And I....was 16 hours away in Klamath Falls.

It really is a very involved story...but...it boils down to......this was the first time...Sophie was ever left alone for a period of time.  Once Sophie called me on my cell phone and told me what was happening at home.  I...hysterically...got everyone to do what they were supposed to do or at least make sure my kids were in their own home and supervised until their Father got home to take care of it.

I was a mess!  Can you even imagine what I was going thru???  But, when I heard it from my daughter...her side.  It was awful.  She was scared and left alone without knowing what was going on or where her brother was.

When Sophie was asking me questions about this time period...we were driving home from seeing Paula Deen in Sacramento on February 3rd.  Sophie always seems to want to talk when I am driving.

This is when I realized what kind of Mom I have been with Sophie.

I am a Hover Mother.  

Or more like a Mom who runs ahead of my child and paints everything to be pretty and sparkly.  I make it that nothing ever happens badly.  I have woven a cotton candy cloud for her to walk thru life in.  She is very safe is the world I created.  I started this world when she was only 6 months old.  That is when her Daddy died.

Babies with crazy Mommies should not have the only NON-crazy person in their life die.  Especially when the Mommy & Daddy had made a deal before even thinking about having a child.  The deal was...Mommy would go out into the world and make money and Daddy would raise the child.  He was working on his doctorate so this seemed like a fabulous idea!

The thought of being a Mommy was horrifying to me.  I had no clue how to be a Mommy.  I was raised in chaos and had an awful Mom.  That I knew...did not give me a fighting chance of being a good Mommy.  Our deal seemed like it would work.  I was good at making money and he was an amazingly good and decent man and really looked forward to being a stay at home Daddy.

See what happens when you make really good plans!  LOL

So, when he died suddenly...tragically.  I.....yes, crazy with grief and crazy with the thought of being the only one in charge of this wonderful child......had to decide to be a Mommy.  The only way I knew how to be a Mommy was to do everything the opposite of how I was raised.  When a question came up or a decision had to be made for Sophie....I would look at it....and do the complete opposite of everything I knew!

I became a Hover Mother.  I spun a magical world where even if something bad happens....I made it magical and sparkly so it would not hurt so much.  I would frantically run ahead of where ever Sophie would go and make sure nothing could happen to her.  And If I couldn't guarantee it...I would be there...in the background watching. 

This is how I became Co-President of our school's PTO, class Mom.....you see?  If I am close...I can make everything puffy and cotton candy-ish....magical and sparkly!

And now....I am looking at it and seeing that I now have 3 years to make a world that Sophie can leave me and go to college.  Where I can't make cotton candy clouds of magic to make the world a perfect place.

And a good thing....is I really raised a normal wonderful child.  Who's big problem in life was coming home to an empty house...once.  She was safe and really nothing happened.  According to our therapist...this is a very good problem to have.

And as a Hover Mother...this is the problem my child has to deal with.  Not too bad I'd say.

Thank God for therapy!