things I have built, painted or made! Yes, I am that kind of Mom!

I am reposting is on TipJunkie because I love this blog!

OK...after my hubby died and I became just a stay at home Mom.....I was crazed for something to do.  I was broken...on the verge of insanity....and had little money.

And my daughter was little so, I had to keep up appearances...and not just fall off the edge of the Earth.  I had to be productive!

So, every day we were out of the house by 9am.  Everyday!

We shopped, went to the park, hung out at my Moms house....window shopped, hung out at my mother-in-laws house.

So, I needed something to do.

I got the creative bug!

Here are some of my projects!

Statue of Liberty for the 2002 Mother Lode Round Up Parade...and yes, we won a ribbon!

A Cassie the Dragon from Dragon Tales costume.  The only pink fabric I had was a chenille bedspread.  Oh, this was an adorable costume!  Sophie was only impressed for about a day.  Never wore it again.

I started a soap company...and made soaps & salves.  My stuff was awesome!  And they won the top ribbons!

I also was a fanatic at painting!  If it didn't move...I painted it!  Sophie's bedroom furniture.

I also found out that chairs are cheap....and everybody can use one.  So...painting chairs I did!

Oh, I loved this chair!  I gave it to Debi for her birthday!

The Cherry Chair.  I made it for my sister-in-law

The seat of this chair...was made with old belts.  Cool huh?

This was made for Chris, Sophie's daycare provider.  She loved ME!  And had a playhouse built in her backyard for the girls....I decorated it all ME.

this one I made for my Aunt.

this one won a ribbon!  I made it for my cousin.

Sophie's 5th grade science project!  I did pretty good!

Spring Break

or not  :)

Normally....I am so excited for Spring Break...and Spring for that matter. 

But, this past 2 weeks have been a bummer!

rain, snow & sleet...altho Sophie calls that snowning  :)

Snow, sleet, rain, cold, cancellation of the most treasured thing I do twice a year.

And Spring Break vacation.

Honestly...my heart is not in it this year.

I am looking forward to just spending time with only my hubby & kids...no friends or extras along to keep the kids busy.

San Francisco

Windsor...Town Green

WorldMark @ Windsor

And we are going to San Francisco.....and Windsor.  2 of my favorite places....but.........

my heart is just not there.

Today, I started to pack...but had to do laundry.  Then had the OMG I don't have a bathing suit.....Mom, I need one NOW!

I must say...after setting some steep ground rules...it was not horrible!  But, at the end...there was tears from both of us.

So, I am hoping that when the sun comes out.....my happy mood will too.  And we can all enjoy some time together as a family.

Fingers crossed!

filling up a Mommy

I am a Mom.

I lose sleep when my kids are sick. 
I worry when they have a fight with a friend. 
I stress about when they play sports.
I do back flips just to get them what they need...or sometimes want.

I am a Mom.

There is nothing I can't or won't do for my family.

But, twice a year....I runaway!


The first time I went to scrapbook retreat....I had never been before.  Didn't know anyone there...but assured Shell, the organizer that I would make fast friends!

I had a blast!  Best time I have ever had.

my scrap table the first time I went to retreat!  Hi Shell  :)

I knew I had to go again!

I started out going once a year...for 2 nights & 3 days.  I always felt guilty for going and leaving my family.

But....I finally learned that to give of myself to my family....I had to have something to give.

And this was what filled me up.

I started going 2 times a year.  WOW!

Then I added an extra day!

OMG!

I was supposed to go this Thursday.  And because of Mother Nature.....it was canceled.

I have been sad...........and a little bitchy.

But, this was my......getaway.

No one calls me Mommy there.  I can do anything I want and don't have to answer to anyone.  Well, except Shell if I miss the group photo.

I will miss my getaway!

Until September  :)

spring equinox...according to the calendar

Tomorrow...is supposed to be the 1st day of Spring.

I love this day!

But....we are not going to experience the full depth of the day.

We are experiencing winter to the fullest extent  :)

the beginning of yesterdays snow...it got worse

I do love Winter.  I am not a Winter sports person...at all.  But, I do love the cold, the occasional snow.

Today has been freezing cold!

These are my FAVORITE trees....Pink Saucer Magnolia

And I keep thinking about Spring!

This a rare thing for me.  Even tho I love Spring....I know we won't get a long Spring....and soon it will be Summer.  I don't like the heat...at all!

Aaahhhh.....Spring  :)

yeah! It's Friday! and we have snow too!

This has been a very long week!

Probably because I worked last Sunday at the Bridal Faire and then a very long week of many emotions.

I am glad to see this day end...this week end  :)

I had planned to go to the Scrapbook Expo in Pleasanton but...we got snow.  Unlike the last time we got snow...it was overplanned for.  The whole town shut down.

Today...no one knew it was coming.

I started the day in flip flops & capri's...and came home and put on sweats and fur lined crocs @ noon.  Burrr!

Nash and I watched the snow fall...I love watching it snow.

his unimpressed look...after being out in the snow!

I took our new dog, Elvis out in the snow...as he is a former flatlander.  Nope...he hate it!  LOL

Got patched sewn on jeans,  did 3 loads of laundry, worked...yes..glad this day in gone.  :)

a list for March 16th

1. Where is this year going?
2. really?  middle of March!
3. I am tired and have been so busy.
4. Tomorrow is Honors Ceremony for Sophie.  
5. She has a 3.67 GPA...her favorite score!
6. Why?  She is weird!
7. I had a business call earlier
8. my tax guy
9. or was my tax guy
10. ok....girl  :)
11. asking when we were coming in.
12. we went somewhere else
13. but...we talked about many things.
14. She knows Lance from days gone by
15. and his kids  :)
16. and now our kids.
17. she said she was proud of me
18. for the strides I have made personally
19. and professionally
20. I am honored
21. I am still doing laundry...at 9:16pm
22. the jeans are very loud in the dryer
23. I got lots put together for retreat.
24. I am counting the minutes until I get to go
25. I never thought I would be saying that...
26. EVER!
27. It's the one thing I do
28. for me!
29. for a long time...I never thought about me
30. always everyone else.
31. then I lost me.
32. sadly...I lost me a couple of times!
33. I hope I never do again!
34. I treasure the time I spent at retreat.
35. Just fun
36. dancing, singing and music
37. art expression
38. not having to think about anyone else....just me
39. the only decisions I make are about scrapbooking photos
40. what color goes best?
41. What can I say about this picture
42. What is Debi doing now?
43. She cracks me up!
44. where is the chocolate
45. more coffee?
46. Its midnight...screw it...........
47. more coffee  :)
48. orange slices!  OMG!
49. whats everybody else doing?
50. Oh...the fun!
51. I am tired now.
52. Its been a very emotional week
53. and its only Wednesday night
54. gave ultimatum to my brother
55. call before 8pm, sober
56. or don't call at all
57. I stood up for myself.
58. I should have the night he called
59. but, there is no talking to a drunk
60. when I called him the next day
61. he was a chicken shit
62. he hung up on me
63. I called back and left a message.
64. that same day
65. I saw my uncle driving his motor home.
66. I tried to get his attention.
67. I miss him.
68. but, I know he can't talk to me.
69. I also saw my Aunt in WalMart
70. she looked at me
71. gave me the face, the look
72. then when I felt my heart break
73. she turned away
74. and pretended I wasn't there.
75. I wish I could say these things don't hurt
76. they do
77. more than I can say
78. I question......
79. did I do the right thing?
80. I know I did
81. I was molested for years by her second husband
82. during the HUGE blow out....I found out that she lied
83. she always knew about it
84. I knew her NOW husband was being inappropriate
85. I asked her many times to make him stop.
86. I asked him to stop
87. then I ignored it
88. and ignored it.
89. and it got worse
90. and I couldn't ignore it anymore
91. I told her to make it stop or I can't be around him
92. and my children can't either.
93. she said she knew he was getting bad
94. she said she would take care of it
95. she said I lied
96. she said I was crazy
97. she said to go away
98. she said THEY all knew I was a liar
99. about everything....my whole life
100. Moms....I am glad you only get one
101. I am going to go to bed

I put on my big girl panties :)

I know...I have been terrible about Sophie growing up.

It brings up the past....I wish I could have had what I am giving to my kids.  That is a big one.

Who would I have turned out to be had I had this??

It's also makes me sad that Sophie's Dad is not here to see this.  He would have been so proud!

this is a terrible picture of David...but it always makes me smile.  Christmas morning...we knew...we would NEVER have more kids.  We were exhausted!

I had to go to therapy to be able to let Sophie go to kindergarten.  It was the hardest things I had done....of course...losing a son & husband was hard.  But...letting go of Sophie......hard!

Her 1st day of Kindergarten.  This is the girl I miss so much!

She was so excited to go to Kindergarten.  When she heard the bus pull up below (down those stairs behind her)...she ran for it!  I FREAKED!  I was driving her to school!  Once there....she asked me to leave the classroom.  I was devastated!  But, I left.

OK....so, I let her make the decisions of what to take and how hard to go for her 1st year of high school.  I just signed the papers after she did.  I really don't want to stand in her way...just be a guiding light and source of information.

I hate feeling this way...and I know...Sophie hates it.  She always has. 

Sophie when she is 3 years old at Ballet class

This is the Sophie in my mind.  Someone who still needs me to hold her hand. 

Or maybe...I am the one that needs her hand held?  Yep...that is probably it. 

I need her to need me...and she has never really needed me.  She was independent from the moment she was born....headstrong and out front.  But then....she needed to be that or I would have smothered her....and she still does.

Sophie, Sophie......Sophie.  I love you so and I promise I will always be ready with my hand...should you ever, ever need it.  :)

Go...grow up.  Just not too fast please.  Go slowly...this is hard.

high school........this is starting to feel like lightening speed!

Long day...really hate Daylight Savings...day 2! 

Today was work...catch up on things I have been putting off because I was so busy.

Sophie is still swollen from oral surgery.  Couldn't listen to Mommy that she should not be playing volleyball...NO!  I even called the doctor...knowing he was going to nix it.  And he didn't!  She was sorry once she got to practice.  Coach told her not to come to the game tomorrow!

Tomorrow is high school registration at school...can I say again....I AM NOT READY! 

I had a stack of papers to fill out for HS...and tears because I had to list David as deceased & couldn't list Lance yet as the adoption is not final yet.  It's a hole...it's been 13 years....but it still hurts.

I miss him and the older Sophie gets...the more she looks like him....good and bad.

Anyway....high school.  It's feeling like light speed.  Can't we stop this???  I miss my baby...I am not ready!  I miss that adorable girl....who was so funny...and looked at me like I knew everything!  I could dress her up and take her places...........and dote on her.  And receive the admiring looks from other adults that would confirm....she was adorable!

I miss my Sophie.  I love the girl I have now....I feel robbed because I was going thru so much stuff....I missed things I didn't know were going to go so fast!

And now high school. 

I want a do over.  I want a second chance...and know what I know now.  Not to waste any minute of it....because its flying by!

oh, she was so cute!

Stop the world.  I want a day....a day to go back and walk thru moments so that I can re-remember them.  Hold her a little longer and thank her Daddy.  It's not fair!

Oh....Sophie-gurl!