I put on my big girl panties :)

I know...I have been terrible about Sophie growing up.

It brings up the past....I wish I could have had what I am giving to my kids.  That is a big one.

Who would I have turned out to be had I had this??

It's also makes me sad that Sophie's Dad is not here to see this.  He would have been so proud!

this is a terrible picture of David...but it always makes me smile.  Christmas morning...we knew...we would NEVER have more kids.  We were exhausted!

I had to go to therapy to be able to let Sophie go to kindergarten.  It was the hardest things I had done....of course...losing a son & husband was hard.  But...letting go of Sophie......hard!

Her 1st day of Kindergarten.  This is the girl I miss so much!

She was so excited to go to Kindergarten.  When she heard the bus pull up below (down those stairs behind her)...she ran for it!  I FREAKED!  I was driving her to school!  Once there....she asked me to leave the classroom.  I was devastated!  But, I left.

OK....so, I let her make the decisions of what to take and how hard to go for her 1st year of high school.  I just signed the papers after she did.  I really don't want to stand in her way...just be a guiding light and source of information.

I hate feeling this way...and I know...Sophie hates it.  She always has. 

Sophie when she is 3 years old at Ballet class

This is the Sophie in my mind.  Someone who still needs me to hold her hand. 

Or maybe...I am the one that needs her hand held?  Yep...that is probably it. 

I need her to need me...and she has never really needed me.  She was independent from the moment she was born....headstrong and out front.  But then....she needed to be that or I would have smothered her....and she still does.

Sophie, Sophie......Sophie.  I love you so and I promise I will always be ready with my hand...should you ever, ever need it.  :)

Go...grow up.  Just not too fast please.  Go slowly...this is hard.