Friday, October 26, 2012

when your kids are like you

I have not written for a while.  Mom was reading my blog and really if she is not going to have a relationship with me she should not read my blog!

So, I have let it be for a while.

Life has been going on and things are always busy.

Deb was in town...my Mom surrogate.  Oh, the short time I had with her was awesome and I cried when she left!

THis week has been a week of changes...with a lot of seeing things more clearly.

When the weather changes...it creates a havoc in Nash's life like nothing else.  Every clothing change season is hard but this season was our toughest for him.  And it took me back to me....at his age.

I have always said there was something....something slight...wrong with my boy.  I could never put my finger to it.  I had hunches but never a solid...."oh, that's it!"  This week, instead of getting better with age....he is now getting worse.  Worse about change.  Worse....about everything!

This week...watching him.....it took me back to me.  Me at his age.

Mom always said I was an awful kid,  Needy, clingy, terrified of everything, a Momma's girl.  She always told me I was horrible to raise and she never, ever wanted to have another girl because of how awful I was.  Even tho my brothers were criminals and drug addicts that stole from their own families....I was the worst one.

So, this week....I really saw Nash and his fears for the first time.....because I became MY MOM!  I became frustrated by Nash and felt that life sucking cling that I did to my Mom.  That's when I knew....for a solid fact...we needed help! 

I love my Nash so very much but I don't want to hate him like my Mom always hated me.  I would never want my child to ever feel like I did.

So, we are addressing his anxiety.  I spoke to our therapist yesterday and she will start treating him and help him cope and find tools to deal with his anxiety.  Because I know from my childhood....screaming and yelling at him will only make him worse.  Calling him names and making fun of him won't make this better.

I am choosing to love him through it.  Hold his hand and give him tools that he can use to cope with his anxiety.  I will never throw him in the middle of extreme chaos and turn my back on him.

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