Monday, February 20, 2012

Waiting for Sophie's biggest day...ever

Sophie is 14 years old.

Today she will meet face to face the man she claims to marry  :)  Yes, James Maslow from Big Time Rush.

She saved her money and used every penny she was able to get to pay for a  $250 VIP ticket to see the man she loves.

Now...the time is almost here.  Just hours from now she will meet them.

Not me.  I decided not to go to the concert and listen to girls scream.  I know I should...but...OMG!  I keep looking to buy tickets...up in the rafters away from anyone else.....but, they don't advertise the sell of those tickets.  You can't go to ticketmaster and say...can I have the worst seat in the auditorium please.  I want to be able to to be close to my see her enjoy the best day of her life...I just don't want to have to hear thousands of other girls having the best day of their lives.

I still hope that once we get there...I can talk to someone and buy a crappy seat.  And be there.  Be a stalker of my daughter and watch from far away her joy.  I will have my camera....with a zoom lens.  I would take a million pictures of her screaming face and joy as she watches the man she loves.

This is I think I am leaving at the girl when she was in kindergarten.

James Maslow....the man she claims to want to marry

Big Time Rush
Waiting to leave is a killer.  Time is so slow when the best day of your life is almost here.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

reverse bucket list

The top 10 things I never want to do....this is a writing prompt from Mama Kat.

Mama’s Losin’ It

  1. I will never go bungy jumping.....look at get it right?
  2. I will never be a live off the land kinda girl.  I don't like food you kill, dirt or bugs or vermin. 
  3. I will never run a marathon.  Yes, I am impressed with those that do but...I will not.
  4. I will never be skinny.  I would like to lose some weight...but at 49...let's face it.
  5. I will never live my life as a cat lady wearing purple.  As fun as that sounds...kill me!
  6. I will never pick up another what I thought was a normal person needing help....that turns into a SUPER crazy person that is now in my car!
  7. I will never marry again!  In my's OK to be married several times.  I married the love of my life and he died.  I married again the next love of my life and that's it.  If he dies....I will renig on #5...and kill me.
  8. I will never do extreme sports.  I was never a sports person per-say so this seems pretty logical.
  9. I will never eat bugs.  See #2....if I can't be around them...why would I eat the.
  10. And finally....I will NOT have more children.  As cute as they are and being that I do have a 6 year old at the age of 49...hello..........again, self-explanatory!  I am ready for grandchildren!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

What kind of mom are you??

Yesterday I sat in a therapists office with my daughter...talking about an incident that happened in the crazy days...a couple of years ago.  It was a very terrible thing that happened at the hands of myself.

Now, you are thinking....OMG!  What did Tammy do??? 

I had to rush myself and my Mom to Klamath Falls to help my brother die.  It was a rush trip...I got friends or family to help out with both of my children.  My step-daughter picked up Nash and was supposed to take him home to a waiting 11 year old Sophie.  Hubby was supposed to come home and take care of both my children.

That is not how it happened.

Sophie got home from school and waited.  My atep-daughter picked up Nash from daycare and took him to her house and didn't tell anyone.  And Hubby got held over for work and could not come home.  And I....was 16 hours away in Klamath Falls.

It really is a very involved boils down to......this was the first time...Sophie was ever left alone for a period of time.  Once Sophie called me on my cell phone and told me what was happening at home. everyone to do what they were supposed to do or at least make sure my kids were in their own home and supervised until their Father got home to take care of it.

I was a mess!  Can you even imagine what I was going thru???  But, when I heard it from my daughter...her side.  It was awful.  She was scared and left alone without knowing what was going on or where her brother was.

When Sophie was asking me questions about this time period...we were driving home from seeing Paula Deen in Sacramento on February 3rd.  Sophie always seems to want to talk when I am driving.

This is when I realized what kind of Mom I have been with Sophie.

I am a Hover Mother.  

Or more like a Mom who runs ahead of my child and paints everything to be pretty and sparkly.  I make it that nothing ever happens badly.  I have woven a cotton candy cloud for her to walk thru life in.  She is very safe is the world I created.  I started this world when she was only 6 months old.  That is when her Daddy died.

Babies with crazy Mommies should not have the only NON-crazy person in their life die.  Especially when the Mommy & Daddy had made a deal before even thinking about having a child.  The deal was...Mommy would go out into the world and make money and Daddy would raise the child.  He was working on his doctorate so this seemed like a fabulous idea!

The thought of being a Mommy was horrifying to me.  I had no clue how to be a Mommy.  I was raised in chaos and had an awful Mom.  That I knew...did not give me a fighting chance of being a good Mommy.  Our deal seemed like it would work.  I was good at making money and he was an amazingly good and decent man and really looked forward to being a stay at home Daddy.

See what happens when you make really good plans!  LOL

So, when he died suddenly...tragically.  I.....yes, crazy with grief and crazy with the thought of being the only one in charge of this wonderful child......had to decide to be a Mommy.  The only way I knew how to be a Mommy was to do everything the opposite of how I was raised.  When a question came up or a decision had to be made for Sophie....I would look at it....and do the complete opposite of everything I knew!

I became a Hover Mother.  I spun a magical world where even if something bad happens....I made it magical and sparkly so it would not hurt so much.  I would frantically run ahead of where ever Sophie would go and make sure nothing could happen to her.  And If I couldn't guarantee it...I would be the background watching. 

This is how I became Co-President of our school's PTO, class see?  If I am close...I can make everything puffy and cotton candy-ish....magical and sparkly!

And now....I am looking at it and seeing that I now have 3 years to make a world that Sophie can leave me and go to college.  Where I can't make cotton candy clouds of magic to make the world a perfect place.

And a good I really raised a normal wonderful child.  Who's big problem in life was coming home to an empty house...once.  She was safe and really nothing happened.  According to our therapist...this is a very good problem to have.

And as a Hover Mother...this is the problem my child has to deal with.  Not too bad I'd say.

Thank God for therapy!

Sunday, February 12, 2012


It's been a long time since I have had a mouse in my house!

But...this morning I found evidence that I have a mouse.

I know there are those people out there that think mice are cute....they are wrong.

This is not cute.

This should be eaten by my cat.

And why....Ms. Caillou the it still in my house????

So, fair warning mouse.....Clark Pest Control is on it's way. 

Either leave....or die!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Printing pictures

Thanks for the guest post by Esteban Vinson

Our wireless service through clear internet providers is fast enough for us to be able to upload pictures to Shutterfly so much faster now. I love to use Shutterfly because you get really professional looking prints at really good prices. Once you order them, they are really quick to show up in the mail. You can even get pictures that you pick on calendars, t-shirts, canvases, and coffee mugs. I like to give picture gifts to my friends and family because they are more personal. Anyway, with our old internet service before we switched, uploading pictures to the site took forever. It would literally take me like an hour to upload pictures to the site. I would leave the computer uploading and go work out. When I got home sometimes they still wouldn’t even be done uploading. I love being able to quickly upload pictures now. When I take pics, I quickly upload them and can get the hard copies of the pictures in a couple of days. The internet is really cool! It sure beats having to go down to the drug store and flipping through your memory card.