So, I am a sufferer of clinical/major & chronic depression. From what I have been told...I have had it my whole life. But, I was very, VERY good at denial and dancing as fast as I could from it.
But...eventually...it comes to a head. Or at least that's what I am told. Two years ago it all came crashing down. No more dancing, no more denial. REALITY!
So now...I take anti-depressants & anti-anxiety medications. They WORK!
I do really good most of the time. I will have moments or a day of the cloud hanging over my head.
When I was a kid I thought about it a lot but was afraid of who would take care of my brothers & mother if I left. So, I stayed.
When I was a young adult....some of the walls that I had built to keep me from knowing what I had endured as a child opened and I saw what I had gone thru...but, only a sliver of the horrors. So, I drugged up and learned to pretend it DIDN'T happen.
But, I finally got to a place where I had to face it to protect my own children. It all came out and I HAD to see it, touch it, FEEL it. This is why I don't have a relationship with my family anymore. I could no longer deny my past or pretend that it was ok.
I cracked open....or just cracked!
But, I saw it all with the eyes of an adult and felt it with the heart of my inner child.....and said NO MORE with the clarity of a survivor.
I hope...and pray that I never end my life. I DON'T plan on ever wanting to. I have a great life, a fabulous husband, wonderful children, step-children, and grandchildren. I have great & amazing friends....and with all of them...I have people that really love me. They want the best for me.
Yes world....depression is NOT fun! But, it can be lived with.
I live with it and will continue to LIVE with it.
If you ever get depressed or just have a slope for a couple of days...this is a great book!
Today, I will have bumps in my road and trips & falls. I will never NOT have depression.
Thanks for reading :)
The fight goes on......................