Thursday, April 28, 2011

the impending death of my mother-in-law, Part 2

So, after David died....I took on David's role.

I was now her shoulder, her care-taker of sorts......altho we leaned on each other most of the time.

I became a member of HER Widow's Club.  All of her friends were widows.  They were an awesome group of ladies.  They all adored me and Sophie.  We went to lunch with them weekly if not more than that. 

We had lunch at Ginny's house often.  And had weekly visits to the cemetery to visit David & her husband, Jim 

I learned how to clean a headstone.  I knew where all of her friends husband's were buried.  We always made sure to say hi to the neighbor's.  One side was a soldier, he was visited frequently and the other side was a woman who was never visited.  Ginny always made sure her headstone was clean as well.  :)  It's an art really.  And you don't know of it until you have to know...then you know what to do and how to do it.
Up until Sophie was almost 4...this was our life.

We talked a lot about me getting on with my life.  She approved and knew I had to...and encouraged it.

I started to date.  She would sometimes babysit Sophie.  I would come home from a date and tell her a little about it...until she started to cry then I would stop.

She met the one man that really wanted to marry me.  His name was Dennis.  I loved him so very much...but not in love with him. 

She got breast cancer, stage 3 the beginning of 2001.  She had had a radical mastectomy & chemo.  I was there for that along with her other daughter-in-law, Janet.  Janet came up for the surgery and we had our battle lines drawn.  We took turns being in the hospital the entire time she was there.  Janet lived in LA...she came up whenever she could and I held down the post...and Ginny  :)  We got her thru it...along with her friends.

It got to the point that I needed to get a life of my own.  My parents had decided to move up here to Sonora to retire and be with my Aunt & Uncle.  My Mom came to me and said it was time to move on....and this was my opportunity.

I moved on September 18, 2001, just 1 week after 9/11.

It was her birthday.  It broke her heart.

I packed up my house with the help of Dennis and my sister-in-law Tammie into a U-Haul and moved here to Sonora.  I spent my last night in her house with Sophie.  It was hard to leave her.

I hadn't been to Sonora in YEARS!  I HATED IT!

My Aunt & Uncle had an apartment for me to live in here.  It was VERY NICE!

After a couple of months...I was miserable!  I wanted to go home...back to David's memory, back to Ginny...where I didn't have to move on....she loved me.

So, I went back for a vacation with the intention of moving back home.  And I saw....that I couldn't go back.

I asked her to come with me  :)  Help me raise my daughter...be a part of our lives in Sonora.  She said it was time for me to make a life for Sophie and she was going to move back to her home...New Jersey.  Not yet...but soon.

So, back to Sonora I came.  I made a life.

Sophie and I would go visit her in Santa Maria a lot until she moved.  I talked to her on the phone at least 2 to 3 times a week.  She was a pain in the neck but very supportive.

Whenever she would do something that I didn't like...I would always threaten to beat her up 'cuz she was this tiny little Italian woman!  LOL  She would always laugh.  It was a standing joke with us.  She was the most stubborn woman!  The things she would think she could do while standing on a chair! 

I came over one day to find her in her lazyboy...not moving much.  I knew something was wrong but she would NOT admit a thing.  After an hour...I had to use her bathroom.  I found the reason she wasn't moving.  She had placed a chair in her garden tub to stand on to clean the window...and fell.  I was crazed!
Yes, Ginny is a hotheaded, stubborn, little Italian lady.  You would think a good cook..think again!  LOL  My heart is breaking knowing that I won't see her again.

more to come

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